Dearest Putrid-perfumed pubescent pupils in Wantagh High School,
It’s 2011, you’re not cavemen. Personal hygiene shouldn’t be an issue that needs to be addressed. But, as I walk through the halls of Wantagh, sometimes I wish I only had four senses, omitting smell. I find myself holding back puke when I pass some students.
It’s not even just coming from home, where I’m sure your parents pull teeth to make you bathe. After physical education classes, the scent of body odor burns my eyes. The boys’ locker room is a breeding ground for Axe body spray. Use it. I’m not singling out the male students by any means – girls, keep deodorant in your lockers as well.
Furthermore, I’d like to take a trip into your home bathroom and see if there are excrements, sanitary napkins, and feminine products on the floor. How difficult is it to properly dispose of your waste? I can’t speak for the boys’ bathrooms, but as women I’d expect our restrooms to be at least semi-clean. That’s not the case – if I want to step foot into the hazardous chambers I need a gasmask and Hazmat suit. My fear of my foot being eaten by a creature suppresses my desire to use the facilities in our high school.
Not only is it disrespectful, but it’s downright disgusting. If there was a log of who used the bathroom and when, would you leave it in the condition that you do? Use your foot, and flush the toilet – you’re not a Neanderthal and no one thinks it’s cute that you leave the restrooms in the condition of a pig pen – actually, in a worse condition. Pigs roll around in their own waste, and it seems as if the students do the same.
Supposedly, the worst place to put your belongings in a restroom is the floor which is covered with more germs than the actual seat itself. Your belongings may disintegrate if you place them on the floors of Wantagh High School bathrooms.
By no means is this a custodial issue – it’s the students here at Wantagh High School. Their lack of ability to clean up after themselves is remarkable. “You don’t need to solve a rubix cube to flush the toilet,” said one of our custodians.
Understandably, some students don’t want to fit the social “norm,” but smelling like a skunk isn’t the way to go about it. And look, I’m all for education – but please leave science experiments for inside the lab – and not inside the toilets and your locker. Your mother works hard on packing your bologna and cheese sandwich – either eat it or throw it out. Don’t infest the halls with the smell of rotten flesh.
Concluding, I don’t want to have to throw hand sanitizer on you and get it in every crevice. And before I spray Axe on you – just shower. Also, don’t leave the bathrooms in a condition that monkeys (who throw their feces around) would be displeased with. Have some respect, for the school and yourself; have some dignity – you’re embarrassing yourself.
Remember to clean behind your ears,